2005 Saturn – STAR WARS III: REVENGE OF THE SITH

Let me start by making three points: 1) I’m glad that the Saturn Awards gave me this opportunity to discuss the Star Wars prequels, and thus round out my Star Wars coverage.  As much as I complain in the following review, I am well aware that I inflicted this upon myself.  2)  Lots of people, including rambling, misanthropic serial killers, have already covered what’s wrong with these movies, in incredible depth, so you might as well skip my thoughts.  3) Before you skip this, however, you should know that I got quite buzzed before rewatching/blogging this movie.  I’ve had four beers, and I’m sipping brandy from here on out (“beer before liquor, you’re in the clear”!  Right?)  I’m not claiming that I’m blogging Sith drunk….but I kind of am.  I’m “semi-live-blogging it buzzed,” at least.  Also, note that I’m too drunk to care about spoilers for once.

These opening space battle shots above Coruscant are pretty darn cool…

So, yes, I think I’ve made it clear that I like the original trilogy (episodes 4-6), a not-so-controversial opinion, at least until the Ewoks show up.  The prequel trilogy, which George Lucas gave us in 1999, 2002, and 2005, on the other hand, is utter crap.  Again, this is not a controversial opinion.  When Episode I: The Phantom Menace came out in 1999, everyone felt obliged to love it for a couple of months, then collectively realized that it was awful.  To this day, I’d say it still stands as one of the worst science fiction films ever made.  Three things, in particular, made it awful: 1) Comedy slapstick racist-against-Jamaicans cgi alien Jar-Jar Binks, 2) crappy child actor Darth Vader saves the day, and 3) midi-chlorians, a pseudo-sciency explanation for Jedi manipulation of the formerly-New-Age concept of the Force.  There was a really cool light-sabre battle in there, and someone tried to save it with the so-called “Phantom Edit;” my personal “Phantom Edit” would probably be about 15 minutes long and would be all Qui-Gon/Darth Maul/Natalie Portman-looking-pretty.   All three of the original trilogy won Hugos and Saturns; the prequel trilogy received this one Saturn and nary a Hugo nomination.

Ugh, Hayden Christensen acting is really ruining this opening space battle.

2002’s Episode II, the awesomely-named-if-it-had-been-ironic-but-it-wasn’t-so-it’s-terriblly-named Attack of the Clones was a fair sight better, and had some genuinely cool action sequences.  Unfortunately, the whole thing leans rather heavily on the love story between Anakin Skywalker (Christensen) and Padme Amidala (Natalie “super-awesome-Oscar-winning-actress-clearly-slumming-it” Portman).  At least one of these two is an amazing actor, but both of them come off as more wooden than a duck decoy [I’ve lived in Minnesota too long].  I blame George Lucas, who directs actors about as well as he writes dialogue (ie, not very well).  After all of this, we’ve barely started on the path to episode IV.  Anakin still needs to knock up his girl with twins, turn into Darth Vader, fight his teacher Obi-wan, and betray the Jedi order….which leaves a lot of ground for Episode III.

Which brings us to this film, Episode III, released in 2005.  Padme is pregnant, Anakin is nervous about said pregnancy, and is being manipulated by Senator Palpatine, whom we all know to be the main villain of the whole series.  Meanwhile, Anakin and his teacher, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan MacGregor, the one actor able to come out of these movies looking halfway decent) are knee-deep in the clone wars, in which a separatist alliance using slapstick-loving droids fights the Republic’s clone army, which came from some complicated and conspicuously-unresolved plot-point in the second movie.  This film begins with a major battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan and separatist generals Grevious (cgi) and Dooku (Hammer Horror/LoTR alum Christopher Lee).  Then, Anakin worries that his secret wife Natalie Portman will die birthing Mark Hammill and Carrie Fisher, which allows Palpatine to manipulate him.

Which is where I am in the film right now.  Blah blah blah; talkie talkie.  “I wanna be on the Jedi Council, wah!” whines the future Darth Vader.  I guess we know where Luke “I was gonna go to Tashi Station to get some power converters, wah!” Skywalker gets it, at least.

I need more brandy.

At the time, the  commentary on the Bush administration (fear leads to totalitarianism!) felt rather significant.  In hindsight…not so much.  Bush’s approval ratings were already in steep decline in mid-2005, and they never recovered.  The one aspect of this film that made it seem more relevant than the others sort of faded away in hindsight.

 I still think this is the best of the three prequels, but it does have four clear problems.  None is as prevalent as the many crippling issues of Episode One or the one fatal flaw (love story fail) of Episode Two, but they add up to another failure.

There are angry drunks.  There are sad drunks.  Apparently, I’m a list-making drunk.  On a side note, a special thanks to spell-checker for making me seem more sober.

Problem #1: Continuity.  This is the nerdiest complaint, but I think it says a lot about Lucas’s lack of planning and general pandering. Why are R2-D2 and C3PO in these movies?  Why is Chewbacca in this one?  Their presence seems to contradict some of what we see in the original films, so why include them at all?  Hint: it’s not because they further plot or character in any way.

Problem #2: Pacing:  Taken individually, beyond its contribution to the Star Wars mythos, the film’s greatest sin is that it just sort of plods along.  Most of what we get is foreordained by the original trilogy, so a lot of this is just filler, especially Obi-Wan’s entire second-act-dominating battle with Grevious.  And then there’s that really long third-act battle between Yoda and Palpatine, which would’ve been pretty unimaginable in 1982, but looks mostly like cgi-dreck today.

Okay, switching to wine so that I don’t pass out.

Problem #3: Sad, pathetic Vader: Darth Vader is probably the most fascinating character of the original trilogy.  His origin should have been very interesting, but Chistensen gives a very whiny performance that undermines the whole character.  Even the dark moments – the previous movie’s Sand-Person genocide and this movie’s Jedi-child-killing – come off as moments of weakness rather than moments of rage or evil.  And his journey here is all over the place as he bounces aimlessly between Palpatine and Master Samuel L. Jackson.  In no way does this version of the character live up to what we saw in the original trilogy.
Of course, the worst moment has nothing to do with Christensen:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Problem #4: Women are sad, sad, emotional trainwrecks: The original trilogy gave us one of the great female characters in sf in Princess Leia.  When she’s “rescued” by Han and Luke, she immediately grabs a gun, kills a bunch of storm-troopers, and takes control of the situation.  Sure, she ends up in a metal bikini in Jedi, but even then, she gets to kill Jabba and play a key role in the final mission on Endor.  Meanwhile, Padme dies of… heartbreak?!  Over Hayden Christensen’s Anakin???? Pathetic and insulting.  This bothers me most of all.

Let me end on a positive note.  The plots of the prequel trilogy are astonishingly lame, but the world that Lucas creates is pretty rich.  I think it’s unintentional, but the lush, colorful, slapstciky world of the prequels ends up being a rather nice contrast to the stark authoritarian world of the original trilogy (especially if you can manage to get the non-adulterated-special-edition versions).  It used to be a world of silly cgi Jar-Jars, and became a world of dirty space-bars and crappy-spaceships.  In other words, the colorful, silly, kid-friendly world of the prequels can actually make the original trilogy better in contrast.  Also, if you look at Genndy Tartakovsky’s prequel era cartoons, which are actually really great, mostly dialogue-free takes on the era from the creator of Samurai Jack and Powerpuff Girls, I think you really get an idea of the potential here.  The world Lucas creates is a lot better than the films themselves, and it still adds to a rich mythos.

So tired….

Grades:

Phantom Menace: F

Attack of the Clones: C-

Revenge of the Sith: C-

1990 Hugo for Dramatic Presentation – INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE

I haven’t taken a formal poll or anything, but I’m pretty sure this is the most controversial entry in the Indiana Jones trilogy. As mentioned before, Raiders is almost universally beloved. While I’ve met people who adore The Temple of Doom and consider it their favorite, I think the vast majority of fans and critics agree that the film is thinly plotted and rushed and/or too screaming-Kate-Capshaw-heavy and/or ethnically insensitive. The third film, on the gripping hand, seems to have dedicated fans and detractors.

I’m firmly in the fan category. I can understand the critique that the film goes too far down the road of self-parody, but I think, due to the character’s pulpy roots, the self-parody has already begun early in Raiders, and The Last Crusade nicely continues the tradition without getting too silly. I mean, it’s not like Harrison Ford survives a plane crash with an inflatable raft or a nuclear explosion in a refrigerator. No one swings through trees on a vine while yodeling like Tarzan in this one.

The film begins with a young Indiana Jones (River Phoenix), and we get to see an early adventure and his neglectful, Holy Grail-obsessed father. Then, we flit back to the 1930s, where Harrison Ford’s Indiana learns that his father has gone missing while on the trail of the Grail. Indiana must journey to Italy to follow the same clues, then rescue his father from the Nazis while discovering even more clues. Most of the film is actually a chase full of humor and action. In the end, the Joneses must compete with the Nazis through an excellent set of booby traps in an old Crusader fort (which looks suspiciously like a famous Jordanian archaeological site).

The main reason this film is so great comes down to two words: Sean Connery. Connery plays the older Henry Jones with his usual charm and derring-do, but he also adds a less common academic awkwardness. It probably wouldn’t be much of a stretch for most actors, but Connery had been cool personified for so much of his career that it really is a noticeable shift. I think this is his greatest performance, and that’s saying quite a bit.

This is the third and final Indiana Jones film (don’t let anyone tell you different), and the series ends on a high note.

Grade: A

1984 Hugo for Dramatic Presentation, 1983 Saturn – RETURN OF THE JEDI

It’s become fashionable in these days, after the disasters that were the Star Wars prequels, to say that the trouble all began in 1983 with Return of the Jedi and the damn Ewoks. Maybe it’s because I was so young at the time, maybe it’s because Return of the Jedi is the first film I remember seeing in the theater (unless you count the brief, half-remembered trauma of ET), but the Ewoks have never bothered me, and I actually think this is a strong film.

We begin by getting all of the main characters back together after the splintering events of Empire, as everyone goes to great lengths to rescue Han from Jabba the Hutt. Luke is finally as cool as the series had always promised he’d be, and everyone works together quite nicely in a fun (though perhaps too long-running) rescue scene. From there, everything builds to a very thrilling tri-part conclusion. We get a strong light-saber battle between Luke and Vader (though not as strong as Empire’s brutal face off). We get the best space combat of the trilogy, as the Rebel fleet attacks a new Death Star. And, we get an Ewoks versus Imperial fight on the ground. The latter sequences are the most frequently criticized, and yeah, it probably is a bit sillier than Star Wars fans would’ve liked, but anyone who thinks a guerilla insurgent action against a better armed foe with superior technology couldn’t succeed doesn’t know much about history. I also think that Darth Vader’s conversion provided for a fascinating ending to the series.

So, it’s not as good as Empire. I think it’s debatable whether or not it’s as good as the first movie (I think Star Wars benefits a lot from the freshness and simplicity of its story – virtues that a third film is unlikely to have almost by definition). But, it is still a strong film and a fitting conclusion. If we’ve learned anything from the prequels, it should be that things could have been so much worse.

Grade: A-

1982 Hugo for Dramatic Presentation, 1981 Saturn Fantasy - RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

Welcome to the age of Spielberg and Lucas. They made two very different but very successful science fiction movies in 1977 – Star Wars and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. These two films basically catapulted science fiction into a dominant film genre for the ‘80s and beyond. Both of them continued to make sf films that racked up Hugos and Saturns and influenced most of the science fiction films that we see today. In 1981, they got together and made Raiders of the Lost Ark, an homage to the pulp adventure serials they grew up on.

I don’t really know what to say about this film, except that it really is fantastic. I’m hard-pressed to come up with critiques. Um…the pacing isn’t perfect in the second half…but it’s still pretty solid. There are a lot of stereotypes deployed in the portrayal of non-Western peoples – the movie has its fair share of savage Indians and “worthy Orientals,” but I’m inclined to give Lucas and Spielberg a pass because they’re just replicating the imperialist tropes of adventure serials and the H. Rider Haggard-type novels from which they descended.

I guess I should summarize the plot. Indiana Jones is an adventure-loving, artifact smuggling archaeologist….oh, who am I kidding? Everyone knows the plot. If you somehow haven’t seen this film, and you have any sense of adventure, drop what you’re doing and go see it.

Grade: A

1981 Hugo for Dramatic Presentation, 1980 Saturn - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

The Empire Strikes Back has no business being as good as it is. Star Wars may have been great fun, but replicating great fun is not always easy. Replicating great fun while deepening your fictional universe and taking your characters in surprising and thrilling new directions is even harder. Making a bridging second film in a trilogy better than the introducing or concluding films ain’t easy either. When you further consider the fact that Lucas later got into the business of consistently running his franchises into the ground with appallingly bad sequels, it’s even more unbelievable. Yet, here it is, the best Star Wars film, and arguably the best science fiction film of all time.

I’ve always thought that a big part of the film’s success was the inclusion of a couple of veteran filmmakers: screenwriter Leigh Brackett, who wrote pulp sci-fi stories in the ‘40s and ‘50s but also wrote classic scripts for films like The Big Sleep and Rio Bravo,* and director Irvin Kershner. Add in young writer Lawrence Kasdan, who went on the write and direct films like The Big Chill, and you have the promise of witty dialogue and complex characters, certainly more than we ever saw in Star Wars before and after.

After an action-packed first act on the ice planet of Hoth, the film splits in two. Luke gets to explore the nature of being a Jedi with a muppet named Yoda in scenes that nicely balance slapstick humor with spiritual explorations. Han and Leia try to run from the Empire in a malfunctioning Millenium Falcon in a series of sequences that nicely recall the action-comedy of the escape from the Death Star in the first film while deepening the two characters’ relationship. Finally, we get much more on Darth Vader, possibly the most compelling villain in film history, as he searches for Luke. All three plot threads come together wonderfully in the final act at the stunning Cloud City of Bespin,** and the film ends with some great cliffhangers.

So good…

*though apparently some claim that nothing from Brackett’s script survives in the final film

**Empire is also, by the way, the least annoying of the Special Editions, and some of the settings, like Bespin, do actually look better.

Grade: A

1978 Hugo for Dramatic Presentation, 1977 Saturn - STAR WARS

The little-known, pulpy 1977 gem, Star Wars, begins with the escape of two robots from a spectacular battle in space. The robots meet a whiny young dirt-farmer named Luke Skywalker, who soon learns that he has the potential to become mystical warrior known as a “Jedi Knight.” Luke hires a spaceship and joins up with an old man, a princess, a raffish rogue, and a very hairy basketball player to fight the evil Jedi, Darth Vader and the “evil empire” (man, this movie rips off a lot of Ronald Reagan material from the ‘80s). There are lots of exciting starship dog-fights, laser-fights/chase scenes, and sword fights (with futuristic “lightsabers”) along the way.

This is a welcome return to space opera. The film awards have gone to dystopian futures six out of the last eight awards (and the other two were comedies with contemporary settings and a few fantastic elements). I’m probably the first person ever to observe this, but the plot resembles the fantasy genre more than science fiction in many ways. Sure, it has spaceships and laser-swords, but it also takes place in a mythical past and is full of princesses, knights and wizards. Either way, it's a call-back to an older style of sci-fi adventure that was already out of fashion in the early fifties (where we started with this blog). This film is about a 12 on the 10-point escapist-fun scale. I’m surprised it doesn’t have a bigger following.

The special effects look pretty amazing too, especially considering that this film is over thirty years old. It’s aged even better than 2001, and it makes the previous year's Logan's Run, which actually won an effects Oscar, look like crap. The original edition is hard to find, and you’re probably more likely to run across the cheap-looking ‘90s “Special edition” with totally unnecessary additions. It’s a good argument for why models look cooler that computer graphics (at least until this decade).

You probably haven’t seen this film, but, if you’re a sci-fi or fantasy fan to any degree, you should! See how great it looks:

Grade: A